Well then its done. I got the reason to why he was ignoring me. He hadn't got the time to get over his ex. And I knew that, from the beginning. I knew he hadn't forgotten about her. I guess I was just to stubborn and didnt want to see it. But it's over now, the hard part is I really love him. But I've been in his place and knew that I would lose anyway. But I am taking it like a women, not like a little bitch. I'm not going to hate him, just ignore him and pretend like it never happened until I found someone new. And that is not going to happen for a while. I need to figure me out and fix myself.

Bye my prince, I will always love you for making me forget and know happiness again.
I hope you'll be happy, with or without her.

Today I've ended up in the same place as I was 3 years ago. In my kitchen on the floor by the stove. And just like last time I'm crying to the max and struggling for air.

But 3 years ago it was because of a boy and how he was in rehab. Now it's still about a boy but even family and my home. I might lose my mom to a job she can't stand or our home. An it is crushing my soul. I feel helpless because I can't get a job, I just feel like I give my mom nothing but problems. Taking space, money and her time. If she hadn't had me she would have a good job and meaby even a real family. I would give anything to see all her troubles go away and that beautiful smile on her face. Like nothing can stop her.

But I'm not sure that will happen some day soon. I just hope I will get to be on her side, whatever happens!

Been I while since I wrote but today I feelt like writing down everything.

Let's start with this, I got a new boyfriend and we have been together for 3 months now. We kind of jumped in to a relationship after just knowing each other 2 weeks. And because of that we step on each others nerves so there has been fighting that has been so unnecessary that it's crazy. Every friend I have except one says that we should split up. That it won't ever work, that we aren't a match. And I have thought about it, I have. But I meant what I told him every time he kissed me or hugged me, that I love him. I have that exact same feeling like I had with my ex. That feeling of happiness and safety whenever I were around him.

But now we've been "fighting" I don't even know if its worth calling a fight but for 2 days we have barely said anything, and today I only saw him for a few seconds and that's it. I told my friend that I would give him 2 days to stop ignoring me. I don't think I can be in a relationship with someone who ignores me. Now it's like a love/hate relationship. But I don't know where one start and one ends.

The thing is I've seen it all with him. I can see a future, years of holding his hand, meeting his family (with is big for me) and to just smile and laugh with him. Damn boys and making our lives a hell. Couldn't be happier for feeling love, but now I want to keep it!

I'm stuck on him. I can't stop thinking about him or what will happen if I lose him.
Damn, I really love the idiot!