Today I feel like a little girl. I am such a mamasgirl, that it's insane. I've realized that she is my number one reason to do everything that I am doing. She makes me want to be strong, she makes me want to smile everyday when I wake up. And she is often the reason why I smile. Sure she can make me nuts but at the end of the day I can't wait to tell her everything that has happened during the day. She can make me feel like there is nothing I can't do and I can feel so down and sad but all she have to do is smile and I light up. My mom is my hero and she always will

be. She has helped me with homework, bad relationships (even though I dont always listen), but most of all to believe in myself. Believing I can finish collage, that I can be whatever I want, as long as it isn't being a nurse haha. Because of her own way of inspiring me to learn English, I got a B on one part of my national test. And even though she won't belive me, it's all because of her. She took care of me on her own, she tried to give me everything even when I never asked. But she forgot that all I needed to be 100% happy, was a evening with her, and only her. 

My mom is my everything, and I hope she knows and will never forget that. I trust her with my secrets more then my best friend. My mom is my world, and she better know that.

Hey it's been a while.

Tonight I decided to write something happy for once.

I'm still together with my prince and we have been together for about a year and a half now. He still makes me happy and I don't think I can stop loving him anytime soon. I've seen my life with him, marriage, kids, and a happily ever after. But then again I am only eightteen.

But he makes me smile. He can make me really pisst off to but most of the time I do anything to sleep in the same bed as him at night. Now he is 21 and like I said I'm 18, but I don't mind.

Right now I am laying next to him and watching him eat popcorn and I can't help but smile. I don't ever want to let him go. I'm in love with a boy and he's in live with me.

Cheers to a happily ever after, I hope but you never know. But I want to have hope and I want to remember how happy I was so this year hasn't been a waiste, it's been a chance at being happy.

Well then its done. I got the reason to why he was ignoring me. He hadn't got the time to get over his ex. And I knew that, from the beginning. I knew he hadn't forgotten about her. I guess I was just to stubborn and didnt want to see it. But it's over now, the hard part is I really love him. But I've been in his place and knew that I would lose anyway. But I am taking it like a women, not like a little bitch. I'm not going to hate him, just ignore him and pretend like it never happened until I found someone new. And that is not going to happen for a while. I need to figure me out and fix myself.

Bye my prince, I will always love you for making me forget and know happiness again.
I hope you'll be happy, with or without her.

Today I've ended up in the same place as I was 3 years ago. In my kitchen on the floor by the stove. And just like last time I'm crying to the max and struggling for air.

But 3 years ago it was because of a boy and how he was in rehab. Now it's still about a boy but even family and my home. I might lose my mom to a job she can't stand or our home. An it is crushing my soul. I feel helpless because I can't get a job, I just feel like I give my mom nothing but problems. Taking space, money and her time. If she hadn't had me she would have a good job and meaby even a real family. I would give anything to see all her troubles go away and that beautiful smile on her face. Like nothing can stop her.

But I'm not sure that will happen some day soon. I just hope I will get to be on her side, whatever happens!

Been I while since I wrote but today I feelt like writing down everything.

Let's start with this, I got a new boyfriend and we have been together for 3 months now. We kind of jumped in to a relationship after just knowing each other 2 weeks. And because of that we step on each others nerves so there has been fighting that has been so unnecessary that it's crazy. Every friend I have except one says that we should split up. That it won't ever work, that we aren't a match. And I have thought about it, I have. But I meant what I told him every time he kissed me or hugged me, that I love him. I have that exact same feeling like I had with my ex. That feeling of happiness and safety whenever I were around him.

But now we've been "fighting" I don't even know if its worth calling a fight but for 2 days we have barely said anything, and today I only saw him for a few seconds and that's it. I told my friend that I would give him 2 days to stop ignoring me. I don't think I can be in a relationship with someone who ignores me. Now it's like a love/hate relationship. But I don't know where one start and one ends.

The thing is I've seen it all with him. I can see a future, years of holding his hand, meeting his family (with is big for me) and to just smile and laugh with him. Damn boys and making our lives a hell. Couldn't be happier for feeling love, but now I want to keep it!

I'm stuck on him. I can't stop thinking about him or what will happen if I lose him.
Damn, I really love the idiot!

I have just come to a point in my life where I'm questioning every decision I've ever made. Every friend that I have and every mistake I've done. I really wish life could just be about right and wrong. But there are so manny grey zones that I probably never will find half of them.
But I'm thankful to know for sure that some decisions I've done are 100% sure that they were right. Like keeping my dog. It really is true what they say, a dog is mans best friend. Because I know that my dog is my best friend. And he will always stick by my side. For better or for worse.

If love was easy, everyone would have it. If love was easy, everyone would throw it away. And though I've had some very small experience with it. It counts as something. So don't underestimate love and its strange ways. Cuz in the end it's often right when following your heart.

Well I guess these pictures says everything that's on my mind right now..